it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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