My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize