yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
