Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
