I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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