I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
