And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
