i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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