no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
