Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
