all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
