Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
