just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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