I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
