youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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