so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
