Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
PANTIES FOUND
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