I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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