well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
