We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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