My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
