I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
