I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
