I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
