Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
