Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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