He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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