What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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