WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
