It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
