i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize