youre lurking in front of me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
