3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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