Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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