It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
