Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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