some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
