Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
