I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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