I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
