Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
