He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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