I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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