It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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