Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
