Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
