I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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