"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
