i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
