Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
