Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
