my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
