stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
