You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
