We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You ruined the universe
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize