Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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