Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
