Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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