You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
