i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize