Only a mothe r could love this liver
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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