i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
