He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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