I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize