I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
