Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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