you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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