I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
