smell my finger.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
