I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
