I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
