I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
