Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
