He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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