I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize