Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
