this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
