There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
