dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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