He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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