This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
