dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
