'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize