I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
