So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
