So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
