Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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