3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
