I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
