Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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