I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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