Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
COCAINE IS GR8
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
