I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
