It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
