He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
