Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
