Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
God, I missed his penis.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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