Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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