i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
