I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
