Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
