How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
