it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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