im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
