we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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