First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
